What fresh hell is this? 03/11/2009
TODAY I Googled my way in to a whole new world. And it was more disturbing than the eye-popping stuff my dog-loving friend Eryl happened upon when she Googled ‘pregnant bitches’. In the new novel (50,000 words in, thank you for asking) one of the characters befriends a pig. The pig falls ill. The reader must believe in this pig’s illness, worry about it and root for said pig’s recovery, or I am not doing my job properly. So I Google ‘pig illness’. Oh, the pictures. I may never sleep again. Pigs, it seems, don’t catch polite little colds, or develop tickly coughs. No. Pigs’ vulvas ooze. Their rectums twist. Their snouts, for the love of God, atrophy. The world is divided in to people who have seen pictures of pigs with their snouts dropping off and people who haven’t. I am now one of the former and I mourn my lost innocence.
Does she look fat to you? It’s Jessica Simpson all over again. I’m doing what I’m told though, and cutting out her lunch. Poor old Mavis.
I am Bernadette Strachan, but please call me Bernie or I’ll assume you’re telling me off. I am an author of romantic fiction, with added funny bits. Six books are already out there in the world (WHY DO WE HAVE TO LIVE WITH MEN? came out in October 2010) and number seven is coming to life under my fingers at the moment.
I live in Kingston, Surrey with my husband, my daughter and our dog. The husband is Matthew, a composer. The daughter is Niamh, she’s six years old. The dog is a spaniel called Mavis. She is quite thick. As Niamh might put it, I superduper love them all.
I’m mad about books, and consider it a privilege to be paid to write. I love to cook, I overeat, I feed gangs of people as often as I can. I’ll be your friend forever if you offer me Pavlova but I may avoid you if you insist on giving me fish. Just can’t be doing with fish.
I can’t bear txtspk, I love bad television, I think Johnny Depp should be available on the national health. I’m rather shy, although I can be horrendously extrovert when the spirit moves me, I do yoga once a week, I have a stationery fetish, I love it when Niamh puts on shows for me in the kitchen.
Err, that’s all really.